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A fool's guide to polyamory
Published on October 30th 2016

As someone whom is naturally polyamorous, I thought people might find my thoughts on monogamy interesting.

Over thousands of years I believe monogamy has proven itself to be the most superior model of family structures. The presence and moderating influence of a father and mother in the life of a child, statistically, appears to render the most peaceful and brightest of minds. Therefore I strongly believe that monogamy should be celebrated, cherished and preserved. IQ, wealth and overall level of attainment of the child are directly correlated to the intact family household. Whether this is causally linked is irrelevant. For whether it shows that intelligent people are able to be monogamous or that monogamy renders intelligence, are equally in meriting attention and assimilation.

Some choose to have open marriages as a way of life but I am of the opinion that these should keep this practice private and exercise this freedom with discretion. I wouldn't, for instance, advocate it to my children or disclose it to my friends and family. It is one thing to be permissible in a free society but it is entirely another to indiscriminately encourage such behaviors.

While men are biologically inclined to polyamory, it would be foolish for most of them to pursue such a life. When a man lacks the moderating influence of a wife, he is three times more likely to find himself pursuing unhealthy habits, and trivializing his most important life decisions potentially leading to a life of crime and end him in prison, on the street or prematurely dead. This is one reason, perhaps, why married men live longer than single men.

Women, similarly, also end up ahead when married. It's one of the reasons women account for 85% of all consumer purchases in the United States. They enjoy more of their spouses retirement checks than he ever will, and pull more money out of the system than they put in. While they may earn less through their own personal ventures, they earn far more through the labor of their husbands. And just like men embrace their higher selves through the moderating influence and presence of a woman. Women also feel called to embrace their higher selves when raising children. The cycle of role models is completed when the child looks up to the father and feels raised to their higher selves through his presence and example. This is the beauty and perfection that is the monogamous and intact household.

All this is to say that the male and female monogamous relationship is a match made in heaven where each can benefit greatly from the other unless the relationship has become toxic. To quote Mr Mehdi

``...toxic relationships...are characterized by partners that are pleased only by the displeasure of the other... The spousal relationship is therefore the practice of pleasing the partner.``

And everyone should seriously think thrice before pursuing an alternative method. Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy are certainly not for everyone. And if you do venture into that life style there are three criteria you must meet:

1. You are the opposite of jealous. That means that when you see your spouse deriving joy, pleasure and happiness from another of the attracted sex it actually makes you happy for her/him.

2. You can love infinitely and do so with multiple people at a time. So much so, that if you open up your heart completely to someone, fall madly in love with them, it will not deter you from loving your other romantic interest.

3. Last and most important: If one of these betrays you, rejects you, plays with you or lies to you, you are not the kind whose love will turn to hate. You will forgive them, graciously step aside and respect the space they want away from you. You will probably still feel love for them but accept they don't want it from you and you will not press the matter.

If you can meet each of these criteria and everyone you involve yourself with meets them also... THEN you might be ok venturing into polyamory. Otherwise you're a fool setting yourself up for a world of suffering and of hurting others.

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